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I actually really liked this. The flow is good and has a nice rhythm. However, I felt it kinda fell flat at the end. The last stanzas didn't match the rest of the poem, and I found myself caught off guard. You talk about cruel intent, and that made me think of some sort of a psychological game being played between the two, especially when it came to "return to sender"
And that worked through the second verses as well. But in the third, it ends sweetly, and kinda broke the flow for me.
Either way, keep up the good work. You have a nice talent here.
This is so sweet! I really like it. The ending is good. "Supple lip" is awesome. Great job!
Must. Stop. Staring. At. ICON!
I want to hug it SO BAD.
*ahem!* Moving on.
I like the idea of 'Return to Sender' as a title also! I also think the ending end where it should. If you get what I mean. I don't feel it could have ended on any other note.
Also, I LOVE the first stanza!! Was the count on purpose? If not, DUDE.
If you did NOT notice, you have a count of 5,7,5,7. In other words, a spot on rhythm!
That said, your rhythm wavers a bit during the third stanza. Not because you change it, per say. But the first line is a little to long. That said though, changing it would probably loose something. Gah!
Ehh, I tried to be helpful. But I DO love this! It's so sweet!
And goddammit that pikachu is way to cute!!
P.S. If you see this pikachu with out my name underneath could you message me....I really want to thatnk the person I stoles it off so long ago...
I think this is a very nice, short poem.
Structure wise, I would add one line to the middle part so that each of the thingies (for lack of a better word) are quadruplets.
Content wise, I like it, and I didn't find anything wrong with the ending; I thought it fit nicely, at least how I interpreted the poem.
I do however agree with the title not exactly fitting. I personally would make it have to do with postal services, like "Return to Sender" or something. I don't know, I am not the best at naming poetry, but I try.
Good job!